Anyone who saw the movie The Pacifier with the Vin Diesel will recognize the title of this blog and probably wonder, "Why the hell would someone entitle a blog with that?" Frankly, I'm not sure, but a vision of Vin Diesel singing the song and a strong sense of the blues washed over me at the end of my last class. As the dress code "enforcer," I'm having some issues with female students who resent the interference. It's not MY dress code, but it is my job to speak to the girls who violate it--mostly because talking about low necklines makes the male faculty uncomfortable, and I'm the only straight female in the building most of the day. I understand all this, but the impact on my relationship with the female students saddens me. I work really hard to be fair to them and they cannot get beyond themselves on this--no surprise, they are teenagers, and that's all I can expect. So I need to keep reminding myself that while they make it "personal," it isn't really, because their reactions have nothing to do with me--they blame me because of who they are. And I love them dearly for who they are, myopic selfishness and all! The older I get (and I'm only 49, so I know I'm not THAT old), but more I appreciate the softness of youth's face, the plumpness in the cheeks and near the jawline that even the thinnest of them have, the lingering mark of baby fat that won't disappear until the bones of the face push through with the severity of adulthood, lines that harden with the weight and gravity of life's less pleasant surprises. I wouldn't want it any other way--given the alternative--but God do I love those young faces, whether 2 or 22! Will I always feel this way or does one reach a point where the silliness seems only like willful imbecility? Where naivite seems no different from stupidity? Is there any joy if that happens? Hard to imagine.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
It has a name!
"Trail running" to be exact. I have, apparently, always been a "trail running but didn't know it. And of course, like plain ol' "running," 99% of all the web space devoted to it is about racing and training for racing. Why can't it just be about the process, the running, not the time/finish/distance, etc? I just don't get why it is so competitive. Well, ok, I guess I do--it's easy to find out "who won" because all you need is a timer of some sort. But how do you measure joy or pleasure? You can't, so I guess we don't talk about that much here in America!
I intend to talk about that, however, as much as I can. Taking time to enjoy, to appreciate, whatever it is I am doing, means something to me. I suspect that is why I'm good at doing "nothing," because to me, that means I'm doing something: enjoying! Enjoying what, you might reasonably ask. Well--ok, get ready for this-I'm enjoying doing nothing! A paradox of the first rank, if you ask me.
Do you ever listen to the rhythm of your fingers as you type? I love doing this and sometimes I'm typing just to hear the rhythm. What I actually type is less important than the act of typing, the clippity-clip of my fingers and the way little black signs appear on the screen making whole words, ideas. Not everyone's cup of tea, but it adds to the pleasure of the moment for me. Like smelling coffee as I'm drinking it, and feeling the smoothness of the cup handle and the heat of the cup. Ummm. Cozy.
Little things like that add a lot to my enjoyment of daily life. If I waited for "the big things," it would be such a disappointing and tremendous waste of time. I see so many people rushing, rushing around. Driving is the worst. So many people are so aggressive, missing the pleasure of the act! From the feel of the wheel beneath my fingers, to the soft hum of the engine or the whistle of the wind (if the window is open), to the view of the sky and trees and life all around; blissful. Why rush? Why NOT enjoy? That does not mean I'm being inattentive; in fact, it's a heightened state of awareness--of my speed, of others around me, of road conditions--it comes with the territory--if one is paying attention, one notices such things. That's why I am so aware of the looks on the faces of people driving past me (not those screeching past because they have been trapped behind me! I drive a bit over the speed limit and stay in the right lane, ok?) I learned a long time ago that when I'm frustrated with other drivers, it means I'm tense, and if I can relax and make myself let go of those frustrations, it's as good as meditating; I'm at peace. Floating through space, even in a car, at 60 mph is a pretty neat thing that most human beings have NEVER experienced. It's worth noticing.
Just like running through a forest. Gosh, I wish everyone could enjoy that at some point, early in their life. We'd have a lot healthier population and a lot happier one, too. Once you "get it," you make time for it and you are repayed ten-fold, or a thousand-fold, for the effort! What do you do that makes you feel that way?
I intend to talk about that, however, as much as I can. Taking time to enjoy, to appreciate, whatever it is I am doing, means something to me. I suspect that is why I'm good at doing "nothing," because to me, that means I'm doing something: enjoying! Enjoying what, you might reasonably ask. Well--ok, get ready for this-I'm enjoying doing nothing! A paradox of the first rank, if you ask me.
Do you ever listen to the rhythm of your fingers as you type? I love doing this and sometimes I'm typing just to hear the rhythm. What I actually type is less important than the act of typing, the clippity-clip of my fingers and the way little black signs appear on the screen making whole words, ideas. Not everyone's cup of tea, but it adds to the pleasure of the moment for me. Like smelling coffee as I'm drinking it, and feeling the smoothness of the cup handle and the heat of the cup. Ummm. Cozy.
Little things like that add a lot to my enjoyment of daily life. If I waited for "the big things," it would be such a disappointing and tremendous waste of time. I see so many people rushing, rushing around. Driving is the worst. So many people are so aggressive, missing the pleasure of the act! From the feel of the wheel beneath my fingers, to the soft hum of the engine or the whistle of the wind (if the window is open), to the view of the sky and trees and life all around; blissful. Why rush? Why NOT enjoy? That does not mean I'm being inattentive; in fact, it's a heightened state of awareness--of my speed, of others around me, of road conditions--it comes with the territory--if one is paying attention, one notices such things. That's why I am so aware of the looks on the faces of people driving past me (not those screeching past because they have been trapped behind me! I drive a bit over the speed limit and stay in the right lane, ok?) I learned a long time ago that when I'm frustrated with other drivers, it means I'm tense, and if I can relax and make myself let go of those frustrations, it's as good as meditating; I'm at peace. Floating through space, even in a car, at 60 mph is a pretty neat thing that most human beings have NEVER experienced. It's worth noticing.
Just like running through a forest. Gosh, I wish everyone could enjoy that at some point, early in their life. We'd have a lot healthier population and a lot happier one, too. Once you "get it," you make time for it and you are repayed ten-fold, or a thousand-fold, for the effort! What do you do that makes you feel that way?
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